separation...

haai...whats the point of forcing yourself when the other person doesnt want you right?...im going to let go of him na....hindi ko na kaya...masyado na ko nasasaktan na nakikita ko siya na nahihirapan...alam ko na parang forced lang siya thats why kinakausap pa niya ko...so im letting go...fuck!!i hate this!!i hate what is happening and I HATE MYSELF!!!!when did i start becoming like a bitch!!shit!!!!and when did i start hating myself?!?!thats the lowest..argh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i also hate him!!why didnt he fight for me?!?!he said he LOVE me...what the fuck!!!!is that how a person shows his love?!?!?!dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!why am i thinking like this?!?!i know that its myfault that everything became so fucked up..but argh!!!!!ohmygod...suko na ko...ayoko na...shit...i miss him so much....i dont want to lose him....godhelpme....argh!!!!!i love my bf...i really love him...but..i dont know...is it possible to love two person at the same time?...or am i just being delusional with one of them....am i in love or just infatuated?...someone asked me if i just said yes because i dont want to get hurt again...maybe he's right...but that doesn't change anything...i still have a boyfriend...yet i want the other one...fuck!...im so stupid!!!...shit...ohmygod...why did i let him go?...i dont want to lose him....amf...why didn't you fight for me?!?!!!!!!!!!why...?...i want you...damn you...


i am in love......

i really love you...

fuck.

it's...over...

damn...it's over now..i know i should be happy that nag move-on na siya..but dammit...feeling ko i lost something really special...actually..i KNOW that i lost someone very special...it's my fault i admit...kung hindi dahil sa katangahan ko everything will be great...haaiizz...i am happy now i guess...but i feel that i would have been happier if...fuck...i dont like making choices...amf...i hate the person i am now..i feel like i've turn into a bitch..godhelpme...my mom(tita) will be arriving this saturday...im so excited to see her..but sadly my brother(cousin) will be leaving tomorrow...and i have no idea when will i see him again...will it be 2 years from now or 20 years from now...i have no idea..haai...why am i starting to hate myself?!?shit!is this because of the socalled love or no??!!why is it that i am trully happy only when i talk to the two of them...and as it is soon i would be only able to talk with just one...he didn't allow me to go out with him..i understand his reason why..but..i still feel bad about his decision...

why is it lots of people leave me?i guess it is just the way it is...i should learn to stand alone..but its just so damn hard..i should be an expert with this kind of thing by now with my parents leaving me and etc...i guess i never learn..i should talk to my friends about this...but i feel that..i dont know..laugh at me?ewan...i guess i never really did gave them ung buong trust ko..i gave it to one...but saddly..i am about to lose him..amf..

on a happier note he just texted me now..atleast he still haven't forgotten me.. :)

....

okey...i dont know wheather to feel happy about this day or not...i met him again...and dammit..i really missed him...but as always it turns out he HATES me...i dont know what i was expecting to happen this saturday..but i..i dont know..was really disapointed yet happy?labo...happy to see him..yet sad because he was just "nakonsensya" thats why he showed up to me in the first place...he told me to be strong...to fight for what i want...fight for myself...if i cant do it for myself then i should do it for him...but i think that that is one of the things that ill find if not impossible then very hard to do...anyway...i met a friend in galle and talk to him about my problems...and yung advices na hindi nya nabigay sakin pinalitan nalang nya ng time nya sakin...i was really happy to see him dun.ewan ko...basta everytime i see him natutuwa ako kahit wala lang..:P...haayy...fuck it...nabasa niya yung blog ko..ewan ko na..actually why am i writing all these here?eh duh nalaman na niya ung blog ko so may chance na mabasa rin nya tong post na toh..but wat the hell...bahala na..ano nga ba pinagsasabi ko dito??haha...kenn...hmm...basta...haha..

so excited!! :D

yay!!so excited for tomorrow!!ill get to meet si amf and si amp!labo..haha...tas fellowship namin tom din so naka costume kami ng genre of our choice!tae...wala pa ko napipili...anyway...aun we had our CAT earlier and OMG.boring! then nag stay muna ako kina mary rose tas aun todo bonding.and i <3 scary stories!!hahaha...but grabe siguro mga 9 na ko nakauwi...thank god nalang hindi nahuli.haha..bsta super fun ng day na toh.but kinda boring kasi walang ginawa. :D... haaiizz...kabado na excited ako for tom...feeling ko may something na mangyayari....but...okey lang yan...bahala na si God..haha :)

dammit... :(

ok...its been like 2/3 weeks since my last day in LSC..but dammit...i miss them so much!!argh..i wanna go back there..and i dont know...basta, i really miss them..especially...argh!!!i didnt really expect much from this review class.i thought that ill just go there,listen to the lectures then buhbye go home na.but as it turns out i was dead wrong. i met new friends...a sister/kambal (if your reading this..which i know is impossible..i really miss you...haaaii...:( )... i wish that that last two saturdays that i spent in LSC will..amf..

to you who is reading this entry im sorry if its a bunch of crap. :|

walang kwentang post... :|

okay...wala lang toh..i just want to try to put a headshot through this..

pahabol... :P

OMG!!ang galing..ngayon ko lang napansin na yung last blog entry which was before this was also in august!!LOL...wala lang... :P