i hope it wont be like this...

Dear Ex,

I know you’ll never read this but I would like to vent out my emotions and feelings. I have to release it before it eats me alive.
It took me a year to get over you, you know. Yes, a year. It was a crazy year. Yeah I would like new people, but you were still there in my heart. Corny, but true. Memories, images, and feelings would sometimes creep back to be occasionally. It still does…even now. When I found out you moved on, moved on to other girls, I hurt and cried. Don’t blame me! I’m a girl; a fragile, emotional wreck of a teenage soul. And you were my first.. Neve before in my life have I ever fallen in love with someone. When we dated, that was the first time I knew what it was like to be in love. Instead of just hearing about it, or watching it, it was actualy happening to me! And the feeling of being in love…it’s crazy. It was like my universe revolved around you…us.

It’s true when they say that the first cut is the deepest. It’s been 2 years now? I still haven’t found a new boyfriend yet you’ve had a few after me. You know how that makes me feel? WEAK. Weak, stupid and idiotic. LIke I’m the weak one out of the 2 of us. Sometimes I even think that you really didn’t love me.. Sometimes I think that I loved you more. And it hurts. Did you feel what I felt? Did you miss me after we broke up? Did you miss our moments together? Was I still in your heart right after we broke up? Or was I just ’another girl’ in your life? These are the questions that float through my mind. Sometimes I don’t even think you treasured what happened to us. Was that just anther small part in your teenage phase? I try, oh I try so hard to just get rid of the tiny feelings I have for you right now. I do! I really do. But I think that those feelings will always be engrained in me. That what happened to us will always be a part of me. But I bet you these will change when I find another… When I think of seeing you again, half of me just wants to punch you real hard, but the other half just wants to make out with you again. I laugh, and ask myself why I have such…dislike for you. I think it’s just me though. Me being selfish & self-centered. And because of my jealousy. Yeah.

But it makes me sad how, after everything we’ve been through, we end up like this. No longer friends. And it just seems so friggin awkward for me when I talk to you. I hate what relationships can do to friendships. I guess it’s not the same anymore. I don’t think it will ever be. We’ve both just become strangers to each other. But I do hope you’re happy. Happy with your life, happily in love with her. Because when you love someone, you want what’s best for them right? Even though it doesn’t involve you.. And I am happy for you. Really. We may not be friends right now, but you’ll always be that someone I fell in love with for the first time. ‘First love’, as they call it. And I hope you remember me too. That someday, somehow, we will be friends again. Because I don’t want us to become aliens to each other. Aliens after everything we had. And thank you. For the love you gave me. And now that I let all this out… I think I may be over you. Thank God for that.

Love you always,

Your Ex
by mycah