4th monthsary

june 10, 2008. 4th monthsary na namin ngayon...i shouldnt have expected anything...ganun naman every monthsary eh...but stupidly i hoped that maybe now that we're in college,magkikita kami for the first time on our monthsary, that something will happen...something special...puta...ang tanga ko....until the very end of the day i keep on wishing that he'll text me and tell me to meet up with him...but no....he did call me...but i was already gone by that time...hai...maybe we're just not meant to be...maybe pinipilit lang namin toh...maybe....we should just end it...ayaw ko...pero ano bang talagang gusto niya?...hai....

naisip ko lang na sana hindi nalang kami nagkita ngayon araw na toh...just like the other monthsaries....kung ganun i might have made excuses na hindi kami nagkita kaya wala lang yung monthsary...or something....its better than seeing eachother and it ending up with wala lang...wala na ko maisip na excuse kung bakit nanging ganun...hai...

i remember him telling me before that if monthsary namin yung sinecelebrate ko then he will make it special...all this time i kept on holding him on his word...and just making excuses why hindi pa nang yayari yun...but now i really dont think i can make anymore excuses...i just have to be an adult and let go of that impossibility...that way there wont be any disapointments na...

maybe today broke my dream or illusion of this really fantastic relationship...it might not be a fantastic one, but its still a relationship...i cant live in that illusion forever..i have to be an adult and accept that relationships are not suppose to be fantastic and lovely, its just there so you have someone to lean on when you cant go on...